When Disobeying is the Right Thing to Do

I Samuel 25

This title challenges us to think, to ponder.  Have you ever chosen to disobey because you believed it was the right thing to do?  I’m thinking of my late teens, when I went against the wishes of my father to attend the university I wanted, and to major in music. It was tough. I had to apply and pay on my own.  Did I break a commandment in not honoring his wishes?  Not sure, but I was true to my own heart.

Today, we delve into the story of Abigail—it is certainly one of the great hidden gems. Did she know that she would have a challenging life when she married Nabal, whose very name means “Fool.”  He was rich and powerful, but also cruel. Abigail was beautiful and clever.   Anna Carter Florence whose book, A is for Alabaster, inspires our summer sermons, describes Abigail as a figure who exemplifies the power of careful and planned peacemaking, even when things look hopeless.

Today, we turn to a story tucked into the pages of 1 Samuel, an ancient story that speaks with surprisingly clear relevance to our lives today. Why is this story here?   As it is with all the characters in the Bible, good or bad, their stories are recorded for us in God’s Scripture for a purpose. What is God trying to teach us? In this story of Nabal, David, and Abigail, we learn about conflict, about anger, and most importantly, about wisdom and courage.

Let’s start with Nabal, Abigail’s husband. The Bible describes Nabal bluntly: “He was surly and mean in his dealings.” He was an entitled wealthy man who had everything. David, relatively unknown, not yet king, is leading a band of men in the wilderness. They have protected the flocks of Nabal. When David’s men approached him during sheep-shearing season—a time of hospitality and generosity—Nabal responded with selfishness, cruelty and mockery. “Who is David?” he sneered. “Why should I give my bread and my water to him?” This sets David off. David’s pride caught fire.   Now, hunted by Saul, he was a fugitive, and likely simmering with anger about this.  And it boiled over.  Immediately, David strapped on his sword and gathered four hundred men. He wasn’t going to talk. He wasn’t going to negotiate. He was going to annihilate Nabal and every male in his household.

Perhaps we are seeing two alpha males whose egos and impulsive anger overtake a reasoned response.   They only see a fight as an outcome, an instinctual reaction, rather than a thoughtful compromise. We have seen in our own world how powerful, dangerous, and angering words can be.  What can people do?  We can learn from a woman who lived more than 3000 years ago. (David’s reign as king of roughly from 1010 to 970 BCE)

Abigail learns of the impending disaster. She knows her husband has acted shamefully.  She knows David is on the warpath. What does she do? Well, she chooses not to tell her husband. And instead of hiding. Instead of blaming. She acts. She gathers food. She loads donkeys. She rides out, alone, to meet David and four hundred armed men.  Who of us would do such a thing?  Abigail shows us a different kind of power: The power of wisdom over brute force. The power of humility over pride and the power of courageous action over silence. Abigail does not just want to calm David down, but to call his attention to other solutions. There is some flattery there.

28 “Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live.

Florence notes that Abigail’s actions are NOT confrontational or authoritarian.  Abigail’s showing up and eloquent plea with David turns him around by acknowledging the wrong that was done, and reminding him of his calling to God, giving him a way back from the edge of the cliff.

And David, to his everlasting credit, listens. He listens—and his course is changed. Blood is spared. David’s soul is spared from the guilt.  And Abigail becomes, in that moment, a vessel of God’s peace. When Nabal finds out what Abigail has done, it appears he had a heart attack, “his heart turned to stone.”

What strikes me about Abigail, is that she comes from a culture that views women primarily as property, to be seen and not heard.  She overcame that and took a courageous position to bring about peace.  Are there obstacles we need to overcome so we can speak the truth, or bring reconciliation in difficult circumstances?  Are we afraid, or do we just not have the words?

And though Nabal lived thousands of years ago, we know others are like him today. How often do we see ourselves with similar qualities, reacting quickly, angrily. the same reaction in our communities today? Holding tightly to what we have, unwilling to share. Someone insults us, and our first instinct is retaliation.

Someone cuts us off in traffic, and our blood boils. Someone offends us online, and suddenly we are ready for battle—with our words, our anger, our refusal to forgive.

We live in a reactive world. A world that often confuses strength with rage, justice with vengeance. And if we are honest, even those of us who love God can find ourselves caught up in it. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Think of the everyday Abigails:

The neighbor who steps in to mediate a conflict before it becomes a feud.

The co-worker refuses to pass on a hurtful rumor and instead speaks a kind word.

The student who stands up against bullying, choosing peace over popularity.

Or even closer to home: Imagine a family gathering where old wounds threaten to flare up—how powerful it is when someone steps forward to say, “Let’s listen. Let’s forgive.” Or a community meeting where anger fills the room, and one voice says, “Let’s remember why we are here—to build, not to destroy.” These are Abigail moments. And in such moments, we help bring the kingdom of God in our midst.

Abigail’s story shows three takeaways for us today: Strategic peacemaking, the power of words, and courageous action.  God needs people of wise courage, people who will step into conflict and offer not more fire, but a way toward peace. And the good news is: we do not do this alone. The same Spirit that guided Abigail’s words and actions is available to us, here and now. The same God who helped Abigail bring peace wants to work through you and through me, even today.

So, this week, as you move through your life when you encounter selfishness, may you respond with generosity.  When you face anger, may you answer with calm and courage.  When you see division, may you step forward as a peacemaker.

“For blessed are the peacemakers. They are the true children of God.” And the world is aching for their arrival.  In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.